Sometimes those damn curve balls drive you crazy, you feel there are no answers to anything, hopelessness, fear, so I asked the question ( I’m all about asking the question as it works. It’s been bothering me a lot, about what to do…. Here is the answer

                                                                                     

This photo was taken in a taxi on the way to work this morning, not being a morning person I watched the bus zoom past me… ooops… oh well. I’ve gone past that a million times and never seen it – funny how things pop up when you need them the most. Love… Jeez I wasn’t expecting that; as being in judgement well it was so much safer –  blame, anxiety, worry, hey isn’t that much more fun!

So now I know; I’ve been quite unwell for about a week, feel like my body is rebelling against me, so I have had to take care of myself, love myself as there is no one else to do it. Self care, why are we so shit at doing that? Daring to love, daring to love myself…

When I do come from this place of love, I feel better in myself, I don’t play games, I feel peaceful and happy, so why do I resist doing it/going there?

I got the answer to that too… The next song on my playlist on my phone ( I love listening to music on my HTC) was this… Can’t Cheat Karma by Zounds, now back when this came out my life was simpler and I feel in some ways more authentic and idealistic. Anarcho Punk was a way of life for me and even to this day, the principles/ideologies and values from that time, coupled with the spiritual awareness I’ve been cultivating over the years, has defined me as who I am today. I am truly grateful for the people, music and love I’ve received from that time in my life. It was a unique experience that not many people had the chance to live through.

Can’t Cheat Karma lyrics

One – Two – Three – Go
I’ve got an ego
It won’t let me go
What am I gonna do?

A – B – C – D
Paranoia’s killing me
I’m dying on my aching feet
What a way to go

Roll up – Roll up
People always stroll up
Say “Why don’t you grow up?”
No thank you!

Big cats, small cats
Some cats are fat cats
Those cats are bad cats
What we gonna do?

There’s an awful lot of people in the world today
There’s an awful lot of trouble in the streets these days
And it doesn’t seem to matter what you do or say
If a change is gonna come you’ve got to help it on its way

A change is gonna come before too long I know
Peace has gotta come, well, I could be wrong I know
But I just don’t know what I can do

You don’t trust me and I don’t trust you
I bet you wish you did and I know I do
Why have you got secrets? Cause I know you have
If you’ve got something to hide then it must be bad

A change is gonna come before too long I know
Peace has gotta come, well, I could be wrong I know
But I just don’t know what I can do

You don’t trust me and I don’t trust you
I bet you wish you did and I know I do
Why have you got secrets? Cause I know you have
If you’ve got something to hide then it must be bad

A change is gonna come before too long I know
Peace has gotta come, well, I could be wrong I know
But I just don’t know what I can do

The answer I got was… Trust
If there was more trust, there would be more love – That song has been ringing in my ears for many years!

You don’t trust me and I don’t trust you
I bet you wish you did and I know I do

I’ve struggled with trust issues for years, as I’m quite an open person and I innately trust people, which maybe the wrong way to do things though I’d rather trust first than not (it doesn’t set up a good relationship if you aren’t trusting, though I can be cautious, I trust my instincts more with this) which leads to vulnerability which I’ve already chatted about in this post, as being vulnerable and open can be a huge issue for people. To truly open up and feel safe with yourself and another is utterly magical.

So I am starting to feel better, this is all I can do is to love, I’m grateful for all the love I have in my life – love that is near and far from people who genuinely cherish me. We all forget that, as we are so busy doing stuff, surviving, worrying about this and that. We rarely take the time to breathe properly let alone feel the gratitude and love that is already in our lives. I’ve also been using a lot of  Ho’oponopono , which is also based on love and literally just cleans/erases all the crap we tend to muster in our heads.

I’ve recently been listening to John Lennon, thanks to a friend of mine – never really listened to much of his work that much before, I really like this song which kind of sums up this whole post it’s called Love.  The song first came out on Lennon’s 1970 album John Lennon/Plastic Ono Band

Love is real, real is love,
Love is feeling, feeling love,
Love is wanting to be loved.
Love is touch, touch is love,
Love is reaching, reaching love,
Love is asking to be loved.
Love is you,
You and me,
Love is knowing,
We can be.
Love is free, free is love,
Love is living, living love,
Love is needing to be loved.

John Lennon/Yoko Ono

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